June Newsletter

Forgiveness

If you are like most of us you have felt guilt, regret, held grudges, blamed others for what has happened to you. 

Holding grudges is one way of blaming others, and it’s a huge energy drain.  When you have an argument with someone and you are unable to come to a resolution you go away and think about the argument.  For many of use the problem gets bigger and bigger and bigger: it takes up a lot of your energy. 

An argument is like a 20 pound dumbbell you have decided to put in your pocket and carry wherever you go.   You go to work and there is the 20 pound dumbbell coming too.  You try to ignore it, but you can’t.  You do down the hallway and it clanks into the wall.  You sit down and it crashes onto your chair.  You get up and you feel it pulling at your skirt or your pants.  There’s no way you can get away from that darn dumbbell as long as it’s in your pocket.  It demands energy and holds your attention captive.

Some of us need to take that dumbbell out of our pockets.  If you know someone with whom you have a broken relationship, apologize to them, even if you think you are right.  For your own sake, let that energy go and forgive.  Many people have a misconception that forgiveness is the gift you give the other person.  Really it’s the gift you give yourself,  the release from carrying and burning all that energy.  An unwillingness to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  So do whatever it takes for your own sake,  because forgiveness does not let someone else off the hook.  It lets you off the hook you put yourself on.

Now back to the guilt, regret, grudges and blame.  You probably can see a connection between holding grudges and blaming someone else for what has happened to you.  It most likely makes sense when you think of carrying around that dumbbell,  but what about the guilt and regret?

Guilt and regret are the same as blame and grudges as far as carrying around a weight that remains with us all the time.  Perhaps you have managed to hide this weight a little better so you put it in your purse or wallet and only take it out when you are having a ‘bad’ day and need to reassure yourself that you deserve this ‘bad’ day.   Because you are able to hide the weight and you do not feel it bumping into your daily  events as much does not mean that it is not still there.  You have become so used to carrying this weight around that you almost don’t realize you are  packing it every morning to take with you.

Guilt and regret need resolution just as much as blame and a grudge.    However how do you resolve the guilt and regret?  Forgive yourself.  You can forgive someone else sometimes much more quickly and easily than you can forgive yourself.  If the people that you have blamed or held grudges against can be forgiven for the event that caused this emotion then why is it so hard to forgive ourselves 

To move forward you have to be willing to forgive yourself.  Sometimes forgiving yourself is the hardest of all to do.  We should have been better, we should have been able to see what was happening and prevent it,  we should have - we could have - we would have.  Since we cannot see ahead into the future, we do make mistakes have errors of judgment, take too long to respond and much more.  This is not a reason to keep on regretting and feeling guilt.  If you could see into the future you would not make that mistake,  since you cannot see into the future, perhaps you could look at the event as a valuable lesson in life that you will not make again in the exact same way.

Without the forgiveness you may make similar mistakes again and again since you are carrying around a weight that has a magnetic quality.  This magnet is going to pull new experiences to you that are similar in nature until you have learned that lesson and as part of  learning the lesson you must forgive yourself.

For those of you who know EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques - use the EFT as often as you can on forgiveness issues.  You will be amazed at the changes in your life that will take place.